Jim Comey Presents Animal Justice – The Tale of the Knife-Wielding Seal

With James Comey out of work with the FBI and into the writing game with his latest Amazon Banger: A Higher Loyalty, we decided to extend an invitation to Mr. Comey to come aboard this website and write Reports on cute Animals doing Criminal things. We thought it would be fun and a good use of his time. Spoiler: He hasn’t responded. So, “Jim Comey Presents: Animal Justice” is our imagining of how Comey would handle Animal Criminals. 

Today, I was presented with a dilemma. What happens when Man has set up an animal to do a thing that he otherwise would not have done, and yet, that thing that he has done is not a thing in which a Man should partake in having done?

23 “Am I a God at hand, declares the Lord, and not a God far away? 24 Can a man hide himself in secret places so that I cannot see him? declares the Lord. Do I not fill heaven and earth? declares the Lord. – Jeremiah 23-24.

Here, today, I present to you, the story of a seal that is committing obvious felonies. That is terrifying those whom he encounters. A seal that brandishes a knife and sticks it in your face. What does he want? Does he express remorse? We have maybe not yet uncovered that twist in the tale, for this Seal is not completed in his menace at the time of telling. Can he change? To know that answer, we must know the story complete.

I was born in 1960. So, the first time I truly remember seeing our citizens pick up knives to do battle with others was when as a young child I was taken to see a performance of West Side Story. How the combatants circle one another. How they snap their fingers. How they wield the power of a knife that they truly do not understand the power of.

Our story today comes from Hawaii.

A seal in Hawaii had a few people worried as it played with a knife as if it was a toy.

The seal can be seen in a video swimming in a pool off a beach on Big Island while holding an orange fishing knife.

Source: 9news? huh, what kind of place is that?

As if it was a toy.

In my career, I have encountered moments such as that on many occasion. Man not understanding the power of the instruments of destruction they hold is a common theme of my life.

Sometimes, even in their words, you don’t know that they are on the precipice of risky business.

The eyes.

You have to look into the eyes.


Tell me, when you look into the eyes of this little guy, what do you see?

Do you see pain? Do you see anguish?

What I, James Comey, can see is confusion. The pained look of a seal struggling with the tumult of his life. So, he takes this knife. He sticks it in your face. And, so, the seal asks you, feel his pain too. As he sticks you with this knife and you fall, do you feel the struggle that he has gone through? All of the moments where other seals tell to him: you can’t lounge on these rocks with us. Go home, you’re not cool enough to pal around with the rest of us.

That’s the pain that builds up. I see that in the eyes. The eyes dark. Black. With fear.

Fear that manifests in this moment of bloodlust.

Fortunately, for us here today, the seal did not taste that blood. All were safe. All went on with their lives. A  bit more scared, certainly, but, all safe. Perchance, another day, and the Seal would have his vengeance for the torment that is the nature of his being.

But, right now, at this moment, he considers himself lucky. Had he used that Knife against another, we would tell a different story here today. Because, sometimes, you commit acts in which there is no return. This Seal, he will live another Act of his life.

The Sentence: Still, we can not overlook the terror that he placed into the hearts of others. Felonious Assault. Most lay people do not know that Assault is putting someone into the fear of a battery. This seal has most certainly done so with a rigor. I would prescribe this Seal 2 to 4 years Incarceration. An amount of time in which this Seal can think about his actions. What pain they caused, and what they could have been.

Until next time, this has been, Jim Comey Presents: Animal Justice.


One thought on “Jim Comey Presents Animal Justice – The Tale of the Knife-Wielding Seal

  1. I think James got this one right. While I’m sure the pain that this mentally ill seal has endured goes far beyond what we can comprehend, the law applies to everyone – including knife-wielding seals.


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