Last week, French President Emmanuelle Macron visited Donald Trump at the White House and Macron brought with him a tree as a gift for Trump. A tree? As a gift to a President hellbent on destroying the environment? Funny guy, solid troll job. His original gift idea, we assume, was a Russian Mail Order Bride that looked exactly like Ivanka.
Anyway, that tree? Now gone. Trump and Macron went through some bit where they dug up some ground and planted the tree. And, now, it has been removed. Why did the friendship tree vanish? According to the AP, the tree was removed to be placed into quarantine, because that is what we do with new trees and animals brought from other countries.
Or is that not the reason at all?
Yes, the news reported by the AP makes all rational sense. And, it is the story that is most likely true, BUT, you know who is a human and has disseminated a LOT of really bad, negative conspiracy theories and deserves to have any negative conspiracy theories tossed around about himself? Trump, of course.
I mean…just a quick run through. Muslims in New Jersey cheering 9/11. Ted Cruz’s father being part of the John F. Kennedy assassination. Joe Scarborough intern murder mystery. Justice Scalia’s death. Vaccines and Autism.
And, oh yeah, how could I forget that whole Obama not born in America ordeal that launched Trump’s political career?
So, hey, given Trump’s past deep dives into conspiracy theories, Trump would want people to breakdown as many baseless conspiracy theories as possible, right?
Let’s get into it.
Trump Had the Tree Turned into a Baseball Bat
More specifically: A baseball bat he can shake at Jim Acosta at Press Conferences when Acosta asks a question that Trump does not like or believes is “fake news”. Also, the tree is tiny right now, because I guess it is difficult to get a full grown Oak tree on a plane across from France, so, the resulting baseball bat would be one of those tiny souvenir bats that children get. Which is perfect for Trump to show off the illusion of large hand size.
Trump re-gifted the Tree to Kanye West
Best friends that are on the level of Kanye and Trump exchange gifts. Does Kanye want an Oak Tree? I don’t know, but, I want Kanye to have an oak tree so he can constantly tweet about how the Tree has not yet produced any oranges, but, he is excited for the day those start to grow.
Trump Burned the Tree to the Ground
Rage Trump was in full bloom on Fox & Friends last week. Would he also have been around in the early morning hours of Sunday to rage about jokes a stand-up comedian made about him? Yes.
Sitting in a White House Basement Until it whittles away.
Look, Trump doesn’t like France. He has made jokes for years about how they love to surrender. And, oh, he is just going to accept a gift from them and display it? No, Trump is stashing that in a corner of the White House where no one goes ever. Will he bring it out every time Macron comes to visit? Yeah, maybe, but, not to display proudly, but, just to show Macron each time that he does not care about the damn tree.
Eric Trump Urinated on the Tree
A little juvenile of a conspiracy theory, sure. But, let’s face it, Barron needs a pet to play with and Eric, as the dumb Trump child, needs something to do.
Trump Removed the Tree Because He was Fearful That Macron Planted a Listening Device Inside
Obama wire tapped Trump, so why wouldn’t Macron? Does Trump ever have conversations on that lawn? Probably not, but, would you take that risk? With this many investigations running on you? With a tendency to say incriminating things even when you talk publicly? No thank you.
Trump Placed the Tree in His Bedroom and He Talks To It Every Night Before Bed In Hopes that it will One Day Appear as that dude Groot from The Avengers
I haven’t seen that movie, so, I hope I didn’t totally fumble this reference, but, Trump is in need of a pal. Even his buddies at Fox & Friends seemed to cut him off a bit. Good luck, Donald, in all sincerity, you need to stop that mind from spinning somehow.
Someone Removed the Tree in Hopes that they Could Trick Trump Into Believing the Aliens Abducted the Tree
Does this need an explanation?
Removed the Tree Because Donors Thought It was Too-Pro Environment
How many big time GOP anti-science types called in to express their dismay that Trump was adding trees to the environment? Many, I would wager. Just not a good look for the guy, and credit to him for recognizing that.
Trump Had the Tree Moved to One of His Golf Courses
Oh, yeah, the rest of these conspiracies can get put to bed, this is definitely what happened. Congratulations, Donald, Trump National just saved $750.