Jim Comey Presents Animal Justice: A Conspiracy of Bees

With James Comey out of work with the FBI and into the writing game with his latest Amazon Banger: A Higher Loyalty, we decided to extend an invitation to Mr. Comey to come aboard this website and write Reports on cute Animals doing Criminal things. We thought it would be fun and a good use of his time. Spoiler: He hasn’t responded. So, “Jim Comey Presents: Animal Justice” is our imagining of how Comey would handle Animal Criminals. 

A beekeeper driving a swarm of bees to their new home ended up having a tense trip when the insects escaped their containers inside his vehicle.

Source: Some Australian Website?

Last night, I tuned in to TNT to watch NBA Playoff basketball. A lot of people don’t think, “I bet James Comey likes NBA basketball” and they are usually right. There’s a lot of traveling violations that go uncalled. The mid-range jump-shot seems non-existent. I love a good pick and pop set, though. I digress, I tuned in to TNT. And, I was early for the ballgame. I thought they would have Charles, Kenny and Shaq to “entertain” for a little bit, but, instead I ended up watching about 20 minutes of a motion picture about a runaway train starring Denzel Washington and Chris Pine.

Boy, was I entertained. I honestly have not been entertained like that in quite some time. It was just a runaway train that Denzel stopped and gave a little aw shucks grin about stopping. Entertaining stuff.

Anyway, you might be wondering where ol’ Jim is off to this time. And, I have to say, I came across that movie and this bees article about the same time. Now, the comparisons between that film and these bees are not completely on point, but, riding down the highway for 65 kilometres with thousands of bees loose, seems like you are set to meet the same sort of demise as a runaway train. A face-plant into a barrier or another car/truck…whatever the situation is.

These bees, they need Comey Justice, folks, they were out of control. Let’s take a closer look.

Now, what do you get when you have bees in your truck uncontrolled for that many miles? One heck of a chaotic scene. Some of you might first think, good for the bees, fight the power, break free of their captivity.

No. James Comey does not think like that, folks. You know that by now.

Look, if you think bees should not live in captivity, take that up with your politicians, if they are not all impeached. But, what we have to deal with, is that these Bees, that they were committing criminal activity.

“This fool has got bees in his damned truck turned loose,” Mr Singleton is heard saying.

The bees have committed an assault. While assault is punishable only by a misdemeanor in most jurisdictions, what we have to look at here are two things:

First, there is an obvious conspiracy by the bees to commit harm to this driver. While they do not sting the man in the vehicle, clearly, he is apprehensive of an immediate battery through bee sting. Harmful or offensive touching. That is the definition of an assault. And, we have it here in spades. Thousands of bees acting in concert to this end? Conspiracy. That makes this felonious conduct.

Second, there is an argument to be made here as to the level of assault the bees plan to commit. Were they intending to run the driver off of the road? To injure him severely, or, dare I even think it…murder? Given that they did not sting until the vehicle was parked and the man exited, it is a difficult argument to make. Still, overcharging a Defendant in order to trump (no relation) up their charges is a classic move that all prosecutors know when to use and over-use.

So, here, let’s book ’em Danno. And, let their defense attorneys sort out the mess. In all likelihood, a good prosecutor can make a conspiracy or assault with intent to commit great bodily harm stick through preliminary hearings or a grand jury. After that? Hey, we will likely get these bees to plead to misdemeanor assault with 1-2 years of probation. A lot of people say that probation sets people up to fail…

…and, they are absolutely right. This is another tool in the prosecutors tool-box to make someone’s life miserable and otherwise just plain get in the way of someone making progress in their life.

I think we can all agree these bees need some swift and harsh justice. Making them look over their shoulder, jump through hoops, pay fines and costs they can’t afford, and otherwise submit to the will of the probation department for a year or more will likely wind up with them doing at least a little bit of jail time.


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