Let’s Talk About the REAL Bribery Scandal…Enter, Ice Cube and the Qatari Government

By now, everyone knows the “fake news” about how AT&T and a bunch of other companies shelled out too much money to Michael Cohen for “Essential” consulting regarding his boy Donald Trump. Clearly, since no business would pay 500k-1.2million for insight into Donald Trump, when they could just have a kid sit at his desk watching old Celebrity Apprentice episodes and bang out a memo, we know that something shady was going on here. A little something known as “bribery” and let’s be honest, a Trump bribery story is very much in the category of “who cares.”

I mean, bribery is the one thing we would all expect Trump to be good at.

But, a bribery store involving Ice Cube, Steve Bannon, Cube’s terrible basketball league, and the Qatari Government? I need that straight to my veins.

Here’s the Headline from the Daily Mail UK:

EXCLUSIVE: Steve Bannon was target of bribery plot by top Qatari who invested in Ice Cube’s basketball league to get to Trump’s strategist and boasted ‘Mike Flynn took our money’, rapper claims in court

So, what I assume happened was that the Qataris rolled up to Cube, asked him if he knew Bannon. Cube said no. The Qataris thought it was one of those moments where he was saying “no”…with a wink…and then the Qataris gave Cube a bunch of cash, with a promise of more cash, and then they realize, oh, he really did mean no, and so they stopped paying him the cash.

And, if you read the article, basically I am right. Except instead of Cube they dealt with some guy named Kwatinetz who is a big Bannon-guy.

Which, immediately dulls up the story.

Really, the one thing I am learning this week is that bribery is kind of a dull-game. It’s just rich dudes giving money to rich dudes. Even Rod Blagojevich, the gold standard for being a Bribery Badass was actually rather mundane. And, that man once said, “I’ve got this thing and it’s f—ing golden, and, uh, uh, I’m just not giving it up for f—-in’ nothing. I’m not gonna do it. And, and I can always use it.” Which sounded cool, but then you realize the guy is just talking about a state Senate seat. Who cares!

I mean look at this:

They claim that the Qataris, al Rumaihi and Ayman Sabi, signed an agreement to invest a total $20.5m in BIG3 saying they were on the board of Qatar Investments, the country’s sovereign investment vehicle in the U.S.

But they only paid $7.5m, making excuses and dodging calls when the founders asked for their money.

Boring, right. And, Michael Cohen was doing this all over the place for Trump? Yikes, I feel bad for the guy and his mundane existence.

So, back to our guy Cube. Who, really has nothing to do with this story, but, we are going to make it about him to spice this up a little.

Cube says to the Qatari: “Yeah, I know Bannon.”

And, the Qatari gives him a Monopoly stack. Everything is all good for a bit, but, then, Allen Iverson no-shows a Big-3 Basketball League game. Your first reaction is, “oh no” and then your second reaction is, “wait, Iverson is still playing basketball, who would watch that?” Then, your third reaction is to change the channel. BUT, the Qataris goddamn LOVE them some Allen Iverson.

Or, so you think.

They really do not.

Which is a shame, because honestly, at this point in his life Iverson just kind of seems like he wants to be adored. It just is not meant to be, however. The Qataris come to the game. They ask Iverson, “where is Steve Bannon?” And, Iverson, perplexed, goes back to drinking Crown Royal. So, now the Qataris are obviously mad at Cube. Cube is obviously mad at the Qataris.

The Qataris, some people are saying, are looking into hiring former rapper Rich Homie Quan to record a diss track about Cube. Cube, to his credit, is for the moment just considering not flying on Qatar Airways. I mean, really, he will take whatever money he can get for that awful basketball league and call it a day, right?

How does Steve Bannon fit in? I don’t know, but, he probably read the Daily Mail story and thought, wow, why didn’t the Qataris just give me $7.5mill direct?

Bribery, folks…it’s kind of boring.

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