The Very Best Russian Propaganda Facebook Ads in the Run-Up to the 2016 Presidential Election

Sunday afternoon I made a move I thought was saavy, but, instantly had regrets about. I went over to the House Intelligence Committee release by the Democrats on Social Media Advertisements by our comrades the Soviets. I wanted to take a peek at their ads. Look, I am a big Fyodor Dostoevsky guy, so, I thought, maybe there is some wisdom that will be gleaned from these ads.

First warning sign that this was a bad idea…the file sizes. 1.6GB for a zip of ads from Quarter 4 of 2016. And, they were using all four quarters of multiple years. Nevertheless, I downloaded it for some reason. The first ad I looked at, very promising, if you’re into ads where you aren’t quite sure whether they are a parody of Texas or genuinely trying to appeal to Texas (and also if you’re a big fan of non-witty Hillary Clinton insults where the author really wants that woman to die).

Russian-Ad-5

Honestly, it’s just impressive to mix a Killery and a Hitlery into the same ad without getting the audience to roll their eyes. And, well, the audience likely rolled their eyes at this one. BUT…nonetheless, I figured, this ad would set the tone for a jaunt through a ton of PDF files that the House Intelligence Committee had prepared. There were hundreds just from October and November 2016.

And, they were largely a disappointment.

Continue reading “The Very Best Russian Propaganda Facebook Ads in the Run-Up to the 2016 Presidential Election”

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Dragon Energy: An Oral History of the Rise and Fall of The Sports Drink That Almost Was

TRUMP: Kanye called me. He said he was looking for backers in a new sports drink. An energy drink. I wasn’t quite sure what he meant. He wasn’t quite sure what he meant. But, he needed investment. And, I said, tell me about it. Believe me, I do my homework on a product, ok? I only attach the Trump name to the BEST stuff. Just really terrific stuff. And, he says to me, I remember quite clearly, I have a tremendous memory: “picture it, I want to make, like, the top of the line sports drink. The Gatorade of Sports Drinks.” Intrigued, of course, believe me, I said, “tell me more.”

KANYE: We call it…DRAGON ENERGY!

TRUMP: And, I thought, ok, believe me, that, DRAGON ENERGY, I couldn’t tell you what it is, but, it has it. And, a lot of it. Astonishingly high amounts of it, really.

DRAGON ENERGY

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The Oral History of the Rise and Fall of the Greatest Sports Energy Drink That Almost Was

Continue reading “Dragon Energy: An Oral History of the Rise and Fall of The Sports Drink That Almost Was”

Let’s Ruminate on Some Conspiracy Theories About What Donald Trump Did with Macron’s Tree

Last week, French President Emmanuelle Macron visited Donald Trump at the White House and Macron brought with him a tree as a gift for Trump. A tree? As a gift to a President hellbent on destroying the environment? Funny guy, solid troll job. His original gift idea, we assume, was a Russian Mail Order Bride that looked exactly like Ivanka.

Anyway, that tree? Now gone. Trump and Macron went through some bit where they dug up some ground and planted the tree. And, now, it has been removed. Why did the friendship tree vanish? According to the AP, the tree was removed to be placed into quarantine, because that is what we do with new trees and animals brought from other countries.

Or is that not the reason at all?

Yes, the news reported by the AP makes all rational sense. And, it is the story that is most likely true, BUT, you know who is a human and has disseminated a LOT of really bad, negative conspiracy theories and deserves to have any negative conspiracy theories tossed around about himself? Trump, of course.

I mean…just a quick run through. Muslims in New Jersey cheering 9/11. Ted Cruz’s father being part of the John F. Kennedy assassination. Joe Scarborough intern murder mystery. Justice Scalia’s death. Vaccines and Autism.

And, oh yeah, how could I forget that whole Obama not born in America ordeal that launched Trump’s political career?

So, hey, given Trump’s past deep dives into conspiracy theories, Trump would want people to breakdown as many baseless conspiracy theories as possible, right?

Continue reading “Let’s Ruminate on Some Conspiracy Theories About What Donald Trump Did with Macron’s Tree”

Jim Comey Presents Animal Justice – The Tale of the Goose, Assisted by the Moose

With James Comey out of work with the FBI and into the writing game with his latest Amazon Banger: A Higher Loyalty, we decided to extend an invitation to Mr. Comey to come aboard this website and write Reports on cute Animals doing Criminal things. We thought it would be fun and a good use of his time. Spoiler: He hasn’t responded. So, “Jim Comey Presents: Animal Justice” is our imagining of how Comey would handle Animal Criminals. 

Today, we talk about how things are not always as they seem. Or, are they exactly as they seem? As law enforcement, this is a question we face every day. We travel today to Canada and look at the curious, or, not so curious, case of the Goose and the Moose.

Edmonton Fire Rescue Services were called to the city’s southwest Friday morning to help a motorist retrieve a set of car keys … from a goose.

Source: Edmonton Journal

First, the main determination needed to be made by Officers investigating the goose is whether the goose is looking to steal the vehicle, or if he is simply tormenting the subject.

What can a goose do with a set of car keys? Good question. Makes you think initially here that the goose is simply here to play games with Man. In my book, that is unnecessary, clearly, as both man and nature are simply here to survive one another.

Yet, Goose Taunting remains on the rise as seldom do we see the Goose receive appropriate consequences for their actions. Just recently we saw a Goose take this to a higher level of danger, attacking a high school kid on a golf course. This is what happens when you do not handle Goose Taunts in an expeditious manner.

Continue reading “Jim Comey Presents Animal Justice – The Tale of the Goose, Assisted by the Moose”

The Very Best One Star Reviews of James Comey’s Book: A Higher Loyalty

James Comey has a book out, if you have not heard. I am actually a pretty big book guy, however, I am boycotting the Comey book. No, not because of any political stance or Pro-Trump position.

But, frankly, I am boycotting the book because it was not titled “James and the Giantest Peach (‘Believe Me I am More Giant Than That Other Peach, Believe Me’)” which would have been a great title. Add in a mock up of the cover from the Roald Dahl classic where Comey is looking up at a giant peach with Trump’s face on it, and you have a literary masterpiece that rivals any Faulkner tour de force.

Others, however, are not boycotting the book. And, because Amazon has restricted reviews of this Title onlymostly to verified purchases through Amazon (which they should do for every book) you are likely getting genuine reviews.

I mean, who is paying 15 bucks just to leave a one star review? So, I decided to take a look (it’s in a book…a reading raaaainbow) at the one star reviews to get a sense of how the people were handling the release. Comments in bold below are from Amazon users. Regular text mine.

Self serving, salacious, boring.

Salaciously boring. You don’t see that kind of review every day. Is this guy reviewing A Higher Loyalty or General Hospital?

Also, self-serving? It is literally a book written by James Comey about things that James Comey was doing. Who should it have served? Hey, I’m going to write this book about me, but, it would be really cool if it served the interests of Mahatma Ghandi.

I did not order A Higher Loyalty, but it arrived in the mail today

This guy went on to lay out a conspiracy in which Amazon/Comey were sending the book out to folks, charging them, and then refunding them upon the books return.

So, uh, since the believability of that seems dire…are Trump supporters buying this book, so that they can later accuse Comey of shady tactics to increase book sales? I mean, that’s new levels of crazy, right?

Continue reading “The Very Best One Star Reviews of James Comey’s Book: A Higher Loyalty”

How to Properly Gamble On Whether Michael Cohen Will Turn State’s Evidence

Michael Cohen, fixer to the stars of birther fantasy and alleged attorney, is looking up at a world of hurt at the hands of Robert Mueller and the United States Attorney for the Southern District of New York (I believe that would be Paul Giamatti).

Wikipedia describes this pain thusly: “under investigation by federal prosecutors into multiple matters, including bank fraudwire fraud and campaign finance violations, relating in part to payments made to Stormy Daniels.”

They even cite to multiple sources… which is wikipedia code for “Cohen is cooked.”

All of this led to Mr. No Collusion to Tweet over the weekend that he does not see Cohen flipping. Trump seemingly admitting to there being something for Cohen to flip on Trump about.

Trump has faith in his boy, should he? We talked to our resident bookie about this issue and asked a few pointed questions about the issue. Click Read More, take a look, then you’ll want to call up your bookie to get in on this action.

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