United States Arranges for Return of Statue of Liberty to France

Back in the late 1800s some dude in France decided that America was worthy of a gift of Liberty to enlighten the World. Those arriving in the United States looked to the Statue and held a belief that they could prove their worth in America, or, otherwise, escape the perils of the Country they were coming from.

“Today, the Statue of Liberty is returning to France, ok. We are going to break it down, put it in boxes, and tell them to take it back,” President Trump said in a tweet, intermingling fluidly the announcement on the Statue with his tweets enraged about Harley Davidson. “And, France is going to pay for the shipping costs, believe me.”

Many in America were taken aback at the announcement. Sure, people thought, America at the moment does not embody the ideals of the Statue, but, it seems like kind of an arduous ordeal to remove the entire Statue. Stephen Miller addressed this in a memo on the policy choice:

Many people from the World around look at Lady Liberty in a way that disgusts me. They think of the Statue as a sign of Hope. That America is a place that will be accepting, tolerant. Tell me, why would we want the poor? We work hard as a country to already establish that many of our people are poor. The tired? The huddled masses? The masses are tired and huddled for a reason. Because they are not winners, as Mr. Trump would say. Send us homeless? How dare you.

Today, we say no more.

The decision comes on the same day that the Supreme Court upheld the Muslim Travel Ban instituted in 2017 by Donald Trump and on the heels of Trump’s proclamation of giving zero fucks about due process as it relates to those seeking Asylum in America.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders was not available for comment as she was fielding phone calls from Irish and Italian Restaurants canceling reservations she may or may not have set. But, fortunately, the President does not stop ranting and had more comments:

“Believe me, did we need this thing? Have you been to it? It’s ugly. If we are going to have a Lady welcome people to New York, believe me, she needs to be gorgeous, ok. And this Statue?”

“woof woof” chimed in former Trump Campaign Manager Corey Lewandowski.

“So, now, we get rid of this eyesore and the people know they can’t come here anymore, ok. you come here and you’re back on the boat, believe me. but, the boats you go home in will be massive, gorgeous beautiful yachts. not those little boats you see people coming up from cuba in, ok. And, France will pay for that, too.”

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Republicans Are About to Care About Someone Denied Service.

Republicans, fresh off their Supreme Court victory that has them hype to deny service to LGBTQ folks are about to get very upset at someone denying service to a customer…

womp womp

Currently a proxy war is being waged on the Online Review Presence of the Red Hen, according to The Hill. But, at the very least we learned that there is at least one consequence for lying to the American people and running a propaganda campaign on ’em. Should there be more consequences for Sarah Huckabee Sanders’ bullshit? Absolutely. But, you have to start somewhere.

Also, it’s incredible that this woman would drop a tweet essentially saying sic ’em to the MAGA hats while saying she does her best to treat people respectfully. So, according to Sarah Huckabee Sanders, her best is inciting what will surely be a barrage of vile comments directed at a business owner.

Donald J. Trump Wins Second Nobel Peace Prize (BACK TO BACK) for Solving Immigration Hostage Crisis of his Own Creation.

Previously on: Donald J. Trump wins a Nobel Peace Prize, our fearless leader single-handledly allowed for every American to finally sleep safe and not in fear of North Korea launching a nuclear weapon that would fizzle out in the Pacific Ocean. 

What a day for peace, folks. Let’s catch you up to speed. Previously, Donald J. Trump had taken multiple policy steps which led to a situation at the border where authorities were separating children from their families. This was a move that could only be envied by the Devil himself, as Trump quickly made it clear that the children were taken as hostages in his on-going effort to get “comprehensive” immigration reform. Also known as: “a fucking wall”.

My man Donnie was a straight up menace. With zero remorse. This is Zero Tolerance, folks. His man Stephen Miller was hype. “Dream come true,” he likely thought to himself as he listened to the horrifying Pro Publica recording. You had Trump’s right hand for a few minutes until he proved too much of an idiot, Corey Lewandowski, out there dropping laugh tracks at the mention of a 10-year-old with down syndrome being placed in a Cage. Although, Michael Cohen, surprisingly, draws the line at Baby Jails, citing the policy in his resignation from some kind of RNC position.

And, yet, pretty much everyone in Society asked one simple question over and over: Why the fuck would we possibly do this?

Someone had to step up and end this. To which, Donald thought, why not go Back-to-Back.  Today, he secured another Nobel Peace Prize.

“We’re going to have strong, very strong borders but we are going to keep the families together,” Mr. Trump said as he signed the order at the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office. “I didn’t like the sight or the feeling of families being separated.”

The order said that officials will continue to criminally prosecute everyone who crosses the border illegally, but will seek to find or build facilities that can hold families — parents and children together — instead of separating them while their legal cases are considered by the courts.

Source: New York Times

Have you seen hostage negotiations like this before? Maybe from Denzel in Inside Man. But, no, Trump took a long look at the man in the mirror and while he didn’t say, “that man is a monster why would he do this” and instead inexplicably thought, “believe me I can be the conquering hero” he at least went out and ended this bullshit.

So, Congratulations to Donald J. Trump. He engineered a situation in which children would be shockingly removed from their parents, only to step up and declare an end* to the Hostage Crisis before blowing up the building.

Trump got the drink in him going baaaaack to back.

*end is relative. This executive order is more than likely another lie.

The Gold Standard for Political Corruption Might Soon Walk Free.

Donald J. Trump gave a pardon some guy named Dinesh D’Souza today. Who is that? I have no idea. I glanced at the guy’s wikipedia and was bored, so, let’s get down to business:

On Thursday, Trump indicated for the first time he’s been listening. He told reporters aboard Air Force One he is considering commuting Blagojevich’s 14-year prison sentence, which he described as an overly harsh penalty for what essentially amounted to a “foolish statement.”

Source: Chicago Tribune

Maybe Blagojevich shouldn’t get too excited. We all know that Trump is known to be less than truthful on Air Force One. But, Rod and Don go way back to Season 3 of the Celebrity Apprentice. A season that Rod was filming while awaiting Trial for his Political Corruption.

Continue reading “The Gold Standard for Political Corruption Might Soon Walk Free.”

Kim Jong-Un Is Bold. And, I like It.

Currently, the White House is working at salvaging a Summit between Trump and North Korea that Trump originally cancelled because he wanted to pout. The Summit may or may not be back on, but, this is a genuine headline from NBC News:

CIA report says North Korea won’t denuclearize, but might open a burger joint

Source: NBC News

So, basically, this Summit will just be Trump sitting with Kim…Trump will open by asking for denuclearization, and Kim will say, “No, I want a McDonald’s” and Trump will sit there like “believe me, that would be great. But, how about a Wahlburgers?” And, Kim would say no. And, Trump would agree to the McDonald’s instead of denuclearization. The Art of the Deal, folks.

Then, a week later, everyone would be like, “hey, what kind of deal is this?”

And, Trump would rage out on Twitter about how everyone thinks he is an awful deal-maker. But, really he made the ***BEST*** deal because he also got North Korea to take a Wendy’s. And, Kim would go along with it, because, secretly, he wanted a Wendy’s all along, BUT, Trump’s entire dealmaking playbook is “reject their first deal even if it’s the best deal, believe me.”

CAN YOU HANDLE ALL OF THIS WINNING?!

Trump Has a Mole Problem. Yo, I’ll Solve It

Our lovely President has been mashing out tweets with alacrity the past couple of days. His topic: A government agency infiltrated his Campaign for President. Now, I am not sure why he is bragging about being investigated, but, I’ve given up on following the intricacies of his legal defense. Just wake me when the jury is impaneled.

Anyway, take a look:

Putting aside the very serious issue of why the hell Lou Dobbs is getting a shout out, our little buddy is upset.

A SPY in the Trump Campaign! What a horror!

Trump, well, he needs someone to step up and solve this for him. It’s not like Bob Mueller is just going to write a memo on it and reveal the source. So, hey, I am offering my services to step in and solve this mystery.

What are my qualifications? Oh, I don’t know, maybe reading a ton of Harlan Coben novels thank you very much. I’m a great detective, ok. Plus, we are trying to suss out a mole and I have seen every episode of 24.

Continue reading “Trump Has a Mole Problem. Yo, I’ll Solve It”

Giuliani Continues to Struggle

Rudy Giuliani is continuing his bad month. He stepped onto the Hannity program last night and pouted about how Trump can not get a fair hearing.

“The president has a great desire to come forward and tell the truth if he gets a fair hearing,” Giuliani said. “Our job is to make sure that he gets a fair hearing from Mueller. Now, we’re not convinced that he will.”

Source: FOX News

To be clear, Trump has NOT been charged with any crimes right now, so Giuliani may have got himself confused again. So, the “fair” hearing would be a trial. You know, not something that Trump’s counsel should be out here openly rooting for, right? But, then again, Rudy also alleged that Trump could not get indicted or subpoenaed? So, clearly, he has moved on from the “I don’t know the facts” portion of his defense into the “let me try to confuse the public on what the law is” moment.

In other Giuliani news, the NY Daily News reported that the man and 2 of his staffers opened the door on his rickshaw and smashed a pedicab driver. Unfortunately, I have not seen video.

Also, this:

Rudy is getting paid purely in Fox News appearances. And, it still feels like a bit too much.