Illinois Police Threaten the Death of Dogs to Prevent Legal Marijuana

For police departments, one thing that threatens job security more than anything else is the complete legalization of marijuana. It takes easy arrests out of the hands of police, and it also will begin to change the Search and Seizure law regarding “smell” of marijuana allowing for police to search a vehicle.

In Illinois, some police representatives are putting forward a bold reason for why marijuana should not get legalized:

“The biggest thing for law enforcement is, you’re going to have to replace all of your dogs,” said Macon County Sheriff Howard Buffett, whose private foundation paid $2.2 million in 2016 to support K-9 units in 33 counties across Illinois. “So to me, it’s a giant step forward for drug dealers, and it’s a giant step backwards for law enforcements and the residents of the community.”

Later in the story, a K-9 trainer suggests some or most of the dogs will need to euthanized.

Source: The Washington Post

Couple things here, before I remind myself this is a humor blog and crack a couple of jokes. First, is the assumption here that only drug dealers are going to become legal drug dealers? That seems like a terrible assumption to make. But, uh, it’s not as terrible as the assumption made that the dogs will need to get euthanized.

I mean, look, I don’t want to question the credibility of “a K-9 trainer” but, we have a whole bunch of states who have legalized marijuana now, before you make the argument that you’ll have to kill a bunch of dogs, why don’t you pick up the phone and call someone in those states and find out how they’re handling the dog situation?

We can re-train dogs after whatever Michael Vick did to them, but, police dogs? Nah. They are too embedded in their training to break loose.

“I love my dog, but, he just can’t stop barking at black people who roll stop signs.”

“My dog is great, but, he bites anyone who pulls a cellphone from their pocket at night.”

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Jim Comey Presents Animal Justice: A Conspiracy of Bees

With James Comey out of work with the FBI and into the writing game with his latest Amazon Banger: A Higher Loyalty, we decided to extend an invitation to Mr. Comey to come aboard this website and write Reports on cute Animals doing Criminal things. We thought it would be fun and a good use of his time. Spoiler: He hasn’t responded. So, “Jim Comey Presents: Animal Justice” is our imagining of how Comey would handle Animal Criminals. 

A beekeeper driving a swarm of bees to their new home ended up having a tense trip when the insects escaped their containers inside his vehicle.

Source: Some Australian Website?

Last night, I tuned in to TNT to watch NBA Playoff basketball. A lot of people don’t think, “I bet James Comey likes NBA basketball” and they are usually right. There’s a lot of traveling violations that go uncalled. The mid-range jump-shot seems non-existent. I love a good pick and pop set, though. I digress, I tuned in to TNT. And, I was early for the ballgame. I thought they would have Charles, Kenny and Shaq to “entertain” for a little bit, but, instead I ended up watching about 20 minutes of a motion picture about a runaway train starring Denzel Washington and Chris Pine.

Boy, was I entertained. I honestly have not been entertained like that in quite some time. It was just a runaway train that Denzel stopped and gave a little aw shucks grin about stopping. Entertaining stuff.

Anyway, you might be wondering where ol’ Jim is off to this time. And, I have to say, I came across that movie and this bees article about the same time. Now, the comparisons between that film and these bees are not completely on point, but, riding down the highway for 65 kilometres with thousands of bees loose, seems like you are set to meet the same sort of demise as a runaway train. A face-plant into a barrier or another car/truck…whatever the situation is.

These bees, they need Comey Justice, folks, they were out of control. Let’s take a closer look. Continue reading “Jim Comey Presents Animal Justice: A Conspiracy of Bees”

Jim Comey Presents Animal Justice – The Tale of the Knife-Wielding Seal

With James Comey out of work with the FBI and into the writing game with his latest Amazon Banger: A Higher Loyalty, we decided to extend an invitation to Mr. Comey to come aboard this website and write Reports on cute Animals doing Criminal things. We thought it would be fun and a good use of his time. Spoiler: He hasn’t responded. So, “Jim Comey Presents: Animal Justice” is our imagining of how Comey would handle Animal Criminals. 

Today, I was presented with a dilemma. What happens when Man has set up an animal to do a thing that he otherwise would not have done, and yet, that thing that he has done is not a thing in which a Man should partake in having done?

23 “Am I a God at hand, declares the Lord, and not a God far away? 24 Can a man hide himself in secret places so that I cannot see him? declares the Lord. Do I not fill heaven and earth? declares the Lord. – Jeremiah 23-24.

Here, today, I present to you, the story of a seal that is committing obvious felonies. That is terrifying those whom he encounters. A seal that brandishes a knife and sticks it in your face. What does he want? Does he express remorse? We have maybe not yet uncovered that twist in the tale, for this Seal is not completed in his menace at the time of telling. Can he change? To know that answer, we must know the story complete.

Continue reading “Jim Comey Presents Animal Justice – The Tale of the Knife-Wielding Seal”