Our Schools Need New Entrances to Save Children. These Are Those Doors.

Yesterday, a school shooting took place in [insert city name]. And, interestingly, a GOP politician stood up to say that part of the problem was too many [______________]…Can you guess the blank?! Was it a. Guns; b. GUNS c. GODDAMN GUNS; or d. Entrances.

Well, if you said D…drop the confetti because yeah, he went there.

“There are too many entrances and too many exits to our over 8,000 campuses,” Patrick said. “There aren’t enough people to put a guard at every entry and exit.”

Source: Everywhere, but this morning I choose Vox.

It was a bold statement. The audacity of the pivot. The armed guards line just not quite working, so, let me find the right place to lay this blame.

But, you know what, I am open-minded to a fault. So, I came up with some solutions within the context of the nonsense that these shootings are happening based on having too many damn entrances. Let’s do it.

  • Exclusive Nightclub Un-Marked Door

No Shooters getting in here, folks, only the cool kids.

  • Revolving Door

revolving door

Revolving Doors are the worst. I’ve also been told that I think this due to my social anxiety because…WHY THE HELL IS THIS GUY GETTING IN THIS DOOR WITH ME. And, in any event, when the shooter hops in the revolving door, 3 other kids will too, and then the shooter will panic, and next thing you know: he’s on the outside of the school again. Rinse and Repeat.

Continue reading “Our Schools Need New Entrances to Save Children. These Are Those Doors.”

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