Some Dude at National Review Wrote Over 1500 Words About His Lack of Understanding of a Guilty Plea

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to honor the memory of our friend Spy-Gate. In his 2 weeks of life, many often confused him with the other Spy-Gate, the Spy-Gate that still turns the stomach of New Englanders, and is ever eternal. No, the Spy-Gate we celebrate today, who died too young, and yet lived for too long, was the tale of a confidential informant placed in the Trump campaign by the FBI because of the campaigns love of associating with dudes with shady pasts. Spy-Gate was too pure for this world. Spy-Gate brought about envy from even the craziest of crazy, Trey Gowdy. And, when Benghazi-Trey declared there was nothing to Spy-Gate, well, it is time for Conservatives to bury Spy-Gate, for there are more and more terrible thoughts to be had to move the ball further away from the truth.

And, Andrew C. McCarthy of the National Review will take up the mantle.

He begins:

Congress should be taking a very hard look at the prosecution of George Papadopoulos. To these eyes, the harder one looks, the more the Papadopoulos case appears to be much ado about nothing. That is no small thing: The “much ado” here is a purported Trump–Russia conspiracy to subvert a presidential election.

And, with that, McCarthy leads us away from one conspiracy and into the smoldering remains of last fall’s moment in the sun for one George Papadopolous, eager to find a new conspiracy among the ashes.

What he has found, instead, was 1500+ words on his inability to understand the nature of a Guilty Plea.

There has always been something fishy about the charge filed by Special Counsel Robert Mueller against Papadopoulos, who was a green-as-grass 28-year-old when he made the big primary-season move from Ben Carson–campaign novice to Trump-campaign novice.

Here’s a spoiler alert on the Trump campaign: they used a lot of “green-as-grass” types including the “green-as-grass-yet-orange-as-a-kumquat” Presidential candidate they worked for. But, I am sure Mr. McCarthy will elucidate that something fishy…

Peruse the “Statement of the Offense,” filed by Mueller’s lead prosecutor on the case, Jeannie S. Rhee (who is fresh from a stint representing the Clinton Foundation — and donating $5,400 to the Hillary Clinton campaign). You find that there is collusion with Russia pouring off every one of the document’s 13 pages — meetings with shadowy figures portrayed as Kremlin operatives, apparent schemes to undermine Mrs. Clinton, ambitious plans for pow-wows between candidate Trump and strongman Putin.

Interesting, so, the something fishy found here by Mr. McCarthy is that George Papadopolous was charged by a probe investigating Russian involvement and he believes that collusion with Russia poured off the pages? Hmmm, very fishy indeed. It’s almost as if the Statement of Offense is attempting to create a narrative surrounding their underlying investigation. Some consider that the purpose of a Statement of Offense. The defense, of course, has an opportunity to counter that. McCarthy, on the other hand, is at a loss for the meaning of anything at all.

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A Canadian Sasquatch Takes on American Politics

Broken Record Benji is friends with some Sasquatches in various places – Canada, the Pacific Northwest, Michigan’s Upper Peninsula, etc. He caught up with one of his Canadian ‘Squatch buddies who’s pretty into American politics and asked him to write a guest piece for SlipperyJimComey.com. He agreed, and this is the Sasquatch’s hot take. His name isn’t given because he doesn’t like the publicity (duh).

Y’all, America has a snowflake problem. And no, I’m not talking about that spoiled little brat, Kylo Ren. Nor is it the feminist nephew you felt like punching at your last family Thanksgiving. It’s not even snow accumulation due to a polar vortex, and it doesn’t mean global warming is fake news. As a matter of fact, the joke’s on you because I don’t even trifle with such bitch-ass pettiness when it comes to political power dynamics.

Though for the record, those Trump loving sycophants who couldn’t parse a multi-clause sentence if their life depended on it definitely get triggered pretty easily when you call them on their bullshit. So if anyone’s a snowflake, it’s them. Not that I’m overly concerned about ignorant lickspittles trolling the internet. Unfortunately, those bigoted F-star-star cunts are allowed to vote. But I digress.

No, no. The stakes are much higher than some fucktard posting a Pepe the Frog meme. I don’t give a shit about who “snowflake’d” whom on the internet. Shit’s gettin’ real, ya know what I mean?

You got Herr Drumpf separating immigrant children from their families, which makes America look like our white trash neighbors to the south, and it really decreases Canada’s property value. You got the Cheeto in Chief placing tariffs on Canadian commodities, which forced Prime Minister Trudeau to pimp slap the President and remind him who runs North America. And you got America’s Congress robbing the working classes to give to the rich.

Donny Twitter is bad at a lot of things, but he knows how to throw his weight around and take every inch of influence he’s given through passivity. Democratic leadership needs to stop being as soft and silent as a delightful snowflake floating delicately and deliciously onto my outstretched tongue in the middle of the Yukon Territory.

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Rudy Giuliani Really Feels As If an Impeachment Choice is Looming…

You know, when it comes to the wildly successful Mueller Investigation, that has already resulted in a bunch of guilty pleas and indictments of critical members of the Trump Campaign team, most people hold the best case scenario to be Mueller coming up with the goods that will lead to an impeachment possibility.

Key word there, possibility.

No one thinks that Impeachment is inevitable. It’s just the best possible scenario for people who dislike Trump, right?

Well, there’s one guy out there that makes it seem like Impeachment is very possible as a result of the Mueller Investigation:

Of course, we have to do it in defending the president. We are defending — to a large extent, remember, Dana, we are defending here, it is for public opinion, because eventually the decision here is going to be impeach, not impeach.

– Trump attorney Rudy Giuliani on CNN State of the Union

Let’s take a moment to make a couple things very clear based on this quote:

  1. Giuliani is saying that eventually there will be a decision to impeach or not…and that they want to sway public opinion on that choice. This contrasts very starkly to what Trump should want here: NO FUCKING IMPEACHMENT CHOICE.
  2. Giuliani is a lawyer for Trump. Despite being inept at it and despite Trump in a few weeks likely firing Giuliani and then a few weeks later saying, “Rudy was never my lawyer, ok? Believe me, I would not have Rudy as my attorney. We brought him in to consult for a little bit, alright, but, he was never my attorney. Do you think my attorneys would say the ridiculous nonsense Rudy was saying? No of course not, believe me.”

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Prison Mike Stops By The Office To Explain “Spy-Gate”

Everyday is an experience around the Slippery Jim Comey offices and today we were honored by an absolutely special guest. A man who really needs no introduction if you work for the US Attorney’s Office for the Southern District of New York. We wanted to wrap our heads around this Donald Trump Spy-Gate allegation and so we thought, what better way than to have our new Justice Correspondent Prison Mike C break things down for us. 

Welcome

PrisonMikeSmallHey, thanks for having me!

You seem excited! So, let’s get this going before you remember how dire and bleak your situation currently appears.

PrisonMikeSmallMY SITUATION IS ONLY DIRE AND BLEAK TO THE HATERS.

Alright, yeah, calm down, now, we were talking before…And, we thought you could have some good insight into this whole ordeal with the FBI, the Trump Campaign and an informant.

PrisonMikeSmallA SPY

So, we decided to bring you in as our Justice Correspondent. Let’s kind of take this one step at a time. Now, you are a lawyer…

PrisonMikeSmallAllegedly.

Right, allegedly, are you sure you want to say allegedly in this instance? Actually, don’t answer that, I think we are good on the particulars. Now, you have a background in…well, you’re not in Prison yet, so, I don’t really know if I get the character.

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Donald Trump Pulls a Judge Dredd and Convicts Democrats of Spying In Less Than 72 Hours…

On Sunday, President Donald Trump demanded an investigation into “spying” on his Presidential Campaign. On Wednesday morning, Donald Trump tweeted this bad boy:

So, there you have it folks, the “Criminal Deep State” just mere days after he primed this investigation based on nothing, our boy concluded, yes, guilty. The punishment for Democrats that are part of this “Criminal Deep State” is that they have to listen to Trump refer to them as criminals LONG after they are ultimately cleared of any wrong doing. Which, honestly, maybe some of them would prefer a Prison sentence?

Where do you begin with this?

Continue reading “Donald Trump Pulls a Judge Dredd and Convicts Democrats of Spying In Less Than 72 Hours…”

President Trump Needs More Friends

President Trump launched a barrage of Tweets starting Saturday Afternoon*. The goal: to pout about “spying” on him and to get an investigation to investigate the investigation…and he was somehow successful! This will ultimately lead to Trump talking about how this new investigation is corrupt and he needs an investigation to investigate the investigation that is investigating the investigation.

And, he’ll get it.

Because, no one tells this guy no for some ridiculous reason. Sure, if you tell him no he’s gonna mock you mercilessly and give you an embarrassing nickname, threaten to fire you even if he doesn’t have that power, and then maybe suggest the Russians should hack you, but, then shout NO COLLUSION when the Russians do hack you. Ok, I can see why folks don’t want to put up with that.

*Immediately after Trump was returned his phone from a time-out where he was not allowed to Tweet during the Royal Wedding. Trump was saddened that he did not get to note that none of the hats worn at the Wedding were nearly as stylish as ol’ Red MAGA.

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Trump Has a Mole Problem. Yo, I’ll Solve It

Our lovely President has been mashing out tweets with alacrity the past couple of days. His topic: A government agency infiltrated his Campaign for President. Now, I am not sure why he is bragging about being investigated, but, I’ve given up on following the intricacies of his legal defense. Just wake me when the jury is impaneled.

Anyway, take a look:

Putting aside the very serious issue of why the hell Lou Dobbs is getting a shout out, our little buddy is upset.

A SPY in the Trump Campaign! What a horror!

Trump, well, he needs someone to step up and solve this for him. It’s not like Bob Mueller is just going to write a memo on it and reveal the source. So, hey, I am offering my services to step in and solve this mystery.

What are my qualifications? Oh, I don’t know, maybe reading a ton of Harlan Coben novels thank you very much. I’m a great detective, ok. Plus, we are trying to suss out a mole and I have seen every episode of 24.

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