A Canadian Sasquatch Takes on American Politics

Broken Record Benji is friends with some Sasquatches in various places – Canada, the Pacific Northwest, Michigan’s Upper Peninsula, etc. He caught up with one of his Canadian ‘Squatch buddies who’s pretty into American politics and asked him to write a guest piece for SlipperyJimComey.com. He agreed, and this is the Sasquatch’s hot take. His name isn’t given because he doesn’t like the publicity (duh).

Y’all, America has a snowflake problem. And no, I’m not talking about that spoiled little brat, Kylo Ren. Nor is it the feminist nephew you felt like punching at your last family Thanksgiving. It’s not even snow accumulation due to a polar vortex, and it doesn’t mean global warming is fake news. As a matter of fact, the joke’s on you because I don’t even trifle with such bitch-ass pettiness when it comes to political power dynamics.

Though for the record, those Trump loving sycophants who couldn’t parse a multi-clause sentence if their life depended on it definitely get triggered pretty easily when you call them on their bullshit. So if anyone’s a snowflake, it’s them. Not that I’m overly concerned about ignorant lickspittles trolling the internet. Unfortunately, those bigoted F-star-star cunts are allowed to vote. But I digress.

No, no. The stakes are much higher than some fucktard posting a Pepe the Frog meme. I don’t give a shit about who “snowflake’d” whom on the internet. Shit’s gettin’ real, ya know what I mean?

You got Herr Drumpf separating immigrant children from their families, which makes America look like our white trash neighbors to the south, and it really decreases Canada’s property value. You got the Cheeto in Chief placing tariffs on Canadian commodities, which forced Prime Minister Trudeau to pimp slap the President and remind him who runs North America. And you got America’s Congress robbing the working classes to give to the rich.

Donny Twitter is bad at a lot of things, but he knows how to throw his weight around and take every inch of influence he’s given through passivity. Democratic leadership needs to stop being as soft and silent as a delightful snowflake floating delicately and deliciously onto my outstretched tongue in the middle of the Yukon Territory.

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