Catching Up With Robert E. Lee

I was walking back to the DC office today, contemplating fake news and time travel. I was about to peep the President’s latest tweets when suddenly, somebody spit chew at my feet and asked “Yer one of them fake news reporters with a liberal agenda, ain’tcha?”. I was about to respond “Well, actually…” when I looked up and there he was: General Robert E. Lee. When he belted out “Whatchu lookin’ at, snowflake? Quit yer cuckin’ & get on with it,” I knew I had no time to beat around the bush. I invited him for some conversation and whiskey. This is that conversation.

Wow, General Lee, thanks for taking the time to sit down with me today.

23711356-455E-442F-969E-5C5E251F5846 Likewise. I can tolerate the company of a man who appreciates a good whiskey. Even if you are a snowflake. And even if it is an Irish instead of a nice southern bourbon or Tennessee sour mash.

Oh, I love me some good bourbon. You can believe that. At least it’s not that weak Canadian shit.

23711356-455E-442F-969E-5C5E251F5846 Hoooooo boy, you got that right! *clink*

Damn straight. So tell me, General, how’s it going these days? What’s it like for you to experience all the 21st century has to offer?

23711356-455E-442F-969E-5C5E251F5846 Well, it’s been an adjustment, to be honest. But things are looking better and better.

How so?

23711356-455E-442F-969E-5C5E251F5846Well, some of my statues have been destroyed, and I was at the DMV the other day tryin’ to get my horsepower machine license or whatever you call it. I waited in line for more than 2 hours. I said ma’am do you know who I am? And she just didn’t get it. Asked if I was a part-time Santa Claus or somethin’. And I had one eye half-open when she took mah picture. I looked like a goddamn pirate. But other’n that, things are good. Things are good. Take technology for instance. I binge watch all the Civil War stuff on Netflix even if they don’t get it half right and I can’t remember my password half the time. And I constantly get called a Russian bot on Twitter, whatever that means. But I got retweeted five times by the President. So I guess you could say things are lookin’ up fer me.

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