Sometimes You Make a Deal with the Devil, and Now It’s Donald J. Trump Positivity Week Here at SJC

Well, yesterday, I wanted something that Donald J. Trump wanted: a Russian victory over Spain in the World Cup. And, I was willing to make the best deals for it:

Three days, folks, and, in a Holiday Shortened week, that’s like ALL of the week.

So, I have decided to embrace this situation. Look at how nice I was to Trump in response to a good dude on Twitter questioning whether I would need to stop tweeting to pull this off:

So very nice.

To continue embracing this positivity, I have declared it “Donald J. Trump Positivity Week at SlipperyJimComey.com” where ONLY nice things will be said about Trump. The President, we can continue to say vile shit about the Monopoly Jr version of the man. Now, I have not, as they say in the business, “run this by” the others around here. Will they embrace DJT? I don’t know. Hopefully, because he is a great man that is so generous that when he makes a deal with someone, that person on the other side only leaves the table feeling happy and as if they got everything they wanted out of the deal and more.

What a guy. And, this week, we celebrate him, basically.

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Donald J. Trump Wins Second Nobel Peace Prize (BACK TO BACK) for Solving Immigration Hostage Crisis of his Own Creation.

Previously on: Donald J. Trump wins a Nobel Peace Prize, our fearless leader single-handledly allowed for every American to finally sleep safe and not in fear of North Korea launching a nuclear weapon that would fizzle out in the Pacific Ocean. 

What a day for peace, folks. Let’s catch you up to speed. Previously, Donald J. Trump had taken multiple policy steps which led to a situation at the border where authorities were separating children from their families. This was a move that could only be envied by the Devil himself, as Trump quickly made it clear that the children were taken as hostages in his on-going effort to get “comprehensive” immigration reform. Also known as: “a fucking wall”.

My man Donnie was a straight up menace. With zero remorse. This is Zero Tolerance, folks. His man Stephen Miller was hype. “Dream come true,” he likely thought to himself as he listened to the horrifying Pro Publica recording. You had Trump’s right hand for a few minutes until he proved too much of an idiot, Corey Lewandowski, out there dropping laugh tracks at the mention of a 10-year-old with down syndrome being placed in a Cage. Although, Michael Cohen, surprisingly, draws the line at Baby Jails, citing the policy in his resignation from some kind of RNC position.

And, yet, pretty much everyone in Society asked one simple question over and over: Why the fuck would we possibly do this?

Someone had to step up and end this. To which, Donald thought, why not go Back-to-Back.  Today, he secured another Nobel Peace Prize.

“We’re going to have strong, very strong borders but we are going to keep the families together,” Mr. Trump said as he signed the order at the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office. “I didn’t like the sight or the feeling of families being separated.”

The order said that officials will continue to criminally prosecute everyone who crosses the border illegally, but will seek to find or build facilities that can hold families — parents and children together — instead of separating them while their legal cases are considered by the courts.

Source: New York Times

Have you seen hostage negotiations like this before? Maybe from Denzel in Inside Man. But, no, Trump took a long look at the man in the mirror and while he didn’t say, “that man is a monster why would he do this” and instead inexplicably thought, “believe me I can be the conquering hero” he at least went out and ended this bullshit.

So, Congratulations to Donald J. Trump. He engineered a situation in which children would be shockingly removed from their parents, only to step up and declare an end* to the Hostage Crisis before blowing up the building.

Trump got the drink in him going baaaaack to back.

*end is relative. This executive order is more than likely another lie.

Rudy Giuliani Really Feels As If an Impeachment Choice is Looming…

You know, when it comes to the wildly successful Mueller Investigation, that has already resulted in a bunch of guilty pleas and indictments of critical members of the Trump Campaign team, most people hold the best case scenario to be Mueller coming up with the goods that will lead to an impeachment possibility.

Key word there, possibility.

No one thinks that Impeachment is inevitable. It’s just the best possible scenario for people who dislike Trump, right?

Well, there’s one guy out there that makes it seem like Impeachment is very possible as a result of the Mueller Investigation:

Of course, we have to do it in defending the president. We are defending — to a large extent, remember, Dana, we are defending here, it is for public opinion, because eventually the decision here is going to be impeach, not impeach.

– Trump attorney Rudy Giuliani on CNN State of the Union

Let’s take a moment to make a couple things very clear based on this quote:

  1. Giuliani is saying that eventually there will be a decision to impeach or not…and that they want to sway public opinion on that choice. This contrasts very starkly to what Trump should want here: NO FUCKING IMPEACHMENT CHOICE.
  2. Giuliani is a lawyer for Trump. Despite being inept at it and despite Trump in a few weeks likely firing Giuliani and then a few weeks later saying, “Rudy was never my lawyer, ok? Believe me, I would not have Rudy as my attorney. We brought him in to consult for a little bit, alright, but, he was never my attorney. Do you think my attorneys would say the ridiculous nonsense Rudy was saying? No of course not, believe me.”

Continue reading “Rudy Giuliani Really Feels As If an Impeachment Choice is Looming…”

President Trump Needs More Friends

President Trump launched a barrage of Tweets starting Saturday Afternoon*. The goal: to pout about “spying” on him and to get an investigation to investigate the investigation…and he was somehow successful! This will ultimately lead to Trump talking about how this new investigation is corrupt and he needs an investigation to investigate the investigation that is investigating the investigation.

And, he’ll get it.

Because, no one tells this guy no for some ridiculous reason. Sure, if you tell him no he’s gonna mock you mercilessly and give you an embarrassing nickname, threaten to fire you even if he doesn’t have that power, and then maybe suggest the Russians should hack you, but, then shout NO COLLUSION when the Russians do hack you. Ok, I can see why folks don’t want to put up with that.

*Immediately after Trump was returned his phone from a time-out where he was not allowed to Tweet during the Royal Wedding. Trump was saddened that he did not get to note that none of the hats worn at the Wedding were nearly as stylish as ol’ Red MAGA.

Continue reading “President Trump Needs More Friends”

How to Properly Gamble On Whether Michael Cohen Will Turn State’s Evidence

Michael Cohen, fixer to the stars of birther fantasy and alleged attorney, is looking up at a world of hurt at the hands of Robert Mueller and the United States Attorney for the Southern District of New York (I believe that would be Paul Giamatti).

Wikipedia describes this pain thusly: “under investigation by federal prosecutors into multiple matters, including bank fraudwire fraud and campaign finance violations, relating in part to payments made to Stormy Daniels.”

They even cite to multiple sources… which is wikipedia code for “Cohen is cooked.”

All of this led to Mr. No Collusion to Tweet over the weekend that he does not see Cohen flipping. Trump seemingly admitting to there being something for Cohen to flip on Trump about.

Trump has faith in his boy, should he? We talked to our resident bookie about this issue and asked a few pointed questions about the issue. Click Read More, take a look, then you’ll want to call up your bookie to get in on this action.

Continue reading “How to Properly Gamble On Whether Michael Cohen Will Turn State’s Evidence”