Introducing the G3.5

Over the weekend, President Trump attended and then left early from the G7 summit in Canada. He pouted over the lack of Russian inclusion and then took off to attend a Summit with his new pal who will not shake his hand as hard as French President Emmanuel Macron did.

The result of this Summit? Well, we have an advance copy of the White House memo at the conclusion of the Summit:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

From the Desk of the President of the United States,

Today, it is my great honor to announce that the result of Summit in Singapore has led to a new G. The G 3.5. I looked the G7 losers in the eye and asked them where Russia was. Believe me, they had no answers. So, I folded my arms, flew across the Globe and we got things done. You can not have Gs without Russia. 

Canada, let me say this, has a lot of sass for a Nation smaller than Rhode Island in “usable land”. People are telling me, Donald, you should annex Toronto. I’ve thought about it, certainly, I think about all the best ideas. And, I don’t know, what do you think? Should we bring Toronto into America? Believe me, People are saying we should do it. And, Trudeau, he is so weak, he doesn’t belong in the Gs. I said to him, Justin, I will take Toronto, ok? And, he just kind of chuckled. What a weak, weak, man. He gave me Toronto! He said, take it! I told him I don’t want it. Ok.

Now…

The New G3.5 aka “The Best G” consists of only powerhouse Nations. The United States, Russia…excuse me, Mother Russia as they like to be referred, North Korea and also South Korea. South Korea is the half. They said, “no no this is a bad idea,” and I said, believe me, it’s the best idea, ok? And, they said no. So, then Vladimir stared at them and they still said no.

Sometimes you just have to grab them and pull them close and say, you’re with me. So, we did that. South Korea is the half. Maybe we’ll let them get full membership when they stop whining about being taken hostage to this deal. But, I don’t know, I like the ring of 3.5 G’s. 

The G 3.5 represents 63% of Global Net Wealth and 47% of Gross Domestic Product. Believe me, that is a lot of GDP. Further, The G 3.5 has already produced jobs. Jobs for AMERICA. OK. Not jobs for Canada. American jobs. Thousands of them. Already. Millions of Dollars right into the coffers of America. Overnight. Something the G7 has never done. The G 3.5 is about trade that benefits America. This is a fantastic deal. Is it the BEST deal? Of course. I asked Lou Dobbs.

Thank Me,

 

Donald J. Trump

President (WOW)

Advertisements

What Would Happen If Donald Trump DID Shoot James Comey?

Donald Trump once said, “I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters.” Rudy Giuliani this weekend said, “If he shot James Comey, he’d be impeached the next day.” Sure seems like a metaphor those guys kick around all the time. But, it makes you think…what IF Donald Trump DID happen to shoot James Comey. We take you live…to CNN…

Don Lemon: Interesting day in Washington today. We are going to take you right now to a clip from the White House Press Briefing Room. Just a moment ago.

Jim Acosta: Why did President Trump shoot James Comey?

Sarah Huckabee Sanders: We can not at this time confirm that President Trump shot James Comey.

Acosta: There is a video that has already been played over and over that shows President Trump shooting James Comey.

Sanders: This is a tiring line of questions, Jim, and we are going to end the questions with that since you folks can not control yourselves. I will say this, however, President Trump is an honorable man. If he shot James Comey, then the question that you all refuse to ask, but should ask, is what did James Comey do to deserve getting shot? Will you ask that Jim?

Acosta: What did James Comey do to deserve to get shot?

Sanders: Who shot James Comey? This is the first I am hearing of it.

Cut back to Don Lemon in the Studio.

Don Lemon: So, certainly a night that may go down in American history, but, also, a night that we may forget about in a few days because of all the other crazy things that will certainly happen. We have our panel with us to speak about this matter. Let me introduce you guys.

CNNPanel

LemonSmall

Lemon: First, we have Rick Santorum. All around stand up guy who has never had crazy opinions that have made us say, “why the hell do people give him the time of day to talk about the issues”. Next, he is an American Singer-Songwriter, guitarist and activist: Ted Nugent. Then, from being a Judge, we have Judge Reinhold. Next, we have a pair of lawyers who have both represented Donald Trump: Rudy Giuliani and Michael Cohen.

PrisonMikeSmall

Michael Cohen: That’s Prison Mike, Officially.

LemonSmall

Excuse me?

RudySmall

Giuliani: Oh, geez, it’s a silly little bit the guy does. He puts on a bandana and colors in a couple prison tattoos and thinks he is a badass.

PrisonMikeSmall

AM a badass.

LemonSmall

Ok, Prison Mike, Welcome to the panel.

PrisonMikeSmall

yo ok happy to be here. I would like my fee to be paid in a timely manner, or I’ll be back around with the baseball bat, capiche?

Continue reading “What Would Happen If Donald Trump DID Shoot James Comey?”

The Gold Standard for Political Corruption Might Soon Walk Free.

Donald J. Trump gave a pardon some guy named Dinesh D’Souza today. Who is that? I have no idea. I glanced at the guy’s wikipedia and was bored, so, let’s get down to business:

On Thursday, Trump indicated for the first time he’s been listening. He told reporters aboard Air Force One he is considering commuting Blagojevich’s 14-year prison sentence, which he described as an overly harsh penalty for what essentially amounted to a “foolish statement.”

Source: Chicago Tribune

Maybe Blagojevich shouldn’t get too excited. We all know that Trump is known to be less than truthful on Air Force One. But, Rod and Don go way back to Season 3 of the Celebrity Apprentice. A season that Rod was filming while awaiting Trial for his Political Corruption.

Continue reading “The Gold Standard for Political Corruption Might Soon Walk Free.”

Naughty Korea gets vacation to Singapore Cancelled by Trump

According to a letter sent by Trump to North Korea, the big summit meeting in Singapore is cancelled.  This is not a surprise since North Korea is the nation-state equivalent of Wild-Card Charlie from Always Sunny.

Now I have to admit that I believed when this was originally announced that it was the perfect time for Kim Jong Un to cut a deal because he HAD nukes but knows (he has to know) that the world at large won’t let him keep them for more than 10 or 20 years, tops.  He had the most leverage he was ever going to have.  But then he got flakey and Trump called off the trip because he knew it would fail because of (he said) the:

“tremendous anger and open hostility displayed in your most recent statement.”

Continue reading “Naughty Korea gets vacation to Singapore Cancelled by Trump”

Prison Mike Stops By The Office To Explain “Spy-Gate”

Everyday is an experience around the Slippery Jim Comey offices and today we were honored by an absolutely special guest. A man who really needs no introduction if you work for the US Attorney’s Office for the Southern District of New York. We wanted to wrap our heads around this Donald Trump Spy-Gate allegation and so we thought, what better way than to have our new Justice Correspondent Prison Mike C break things down for us. 

Welcome

PrisonMikeSmallHey, thanks for having me!

You seem excited! So, let’s get this going before you remember how dire and bleak your situation currently appears.

PrisonMikeSmallMY SITUATION IS ONLY DIRE AND BLEAK TO THE HATERS.

Alright, yeah, calm down, now, we were talking before…And, we thought you could have some good insight into this whole ordeal with the FBI, the Trump Campaign and an informant.

PrisonMikeSmallA SPY

So, we decided to bring you in as our Justice Correspondent. Let’s kind of take this one step at a time. Now, you are a lawyer…

PrisonMikeSmallAllegedly.

Right, allegedly, are you sure you want to say allegedly in this instance? Actually, don’t answer that, I think we are good on the particulars. Now, you have a background in…well, you’re not in Prison yet, so, I don’t really know if I get the character.

Continue reading “Prison Mike Stops By The Office To Explain “Spy-Gate””

Rudy Guiliani Thinks Other Lawyers Should be as Uninformed on the Facts as He Is: Wants Mueller Investigation Closed

Rudy Guiliani is a superstar. That is why he has come aboard the Trump Train as a hand-selected “tv lawyer” despite all evidence showing that he’s not much of a capable lawyer. He has spent pretty much the entirety of his time as Trump’s Attorney either making dumb remarks about the case in public, OR, publicly walking back those dumb remarks by claiming that he wasn’t yet too familiar with the “facts” of the case.

And, yet, somehow, he has the gall to pout about the length of the Investigation.

“Come on! They’ve had a whole year,” Giuliani told Politico in a recent interview, referring to the Thursday anniversary of the probe. “We’re going to raise the pressure to try to get this thing over with. It’s gone on long enough.”

Source: Vanity Fair

Rudy Guiliani, the man who admittedly does not know a damn thing about the facts of this particular case believes that it should be done.

Here’s the thing about our boy Rudy. He seems terrible about keeping his thoughts to himself. And, what does this particular thought tell you? He wants to raise the pressure, in public, on Mueller, so that Mueller rushes things, gets sloppy and makes a mistake. I don’t know much about Bob Mueller, but, I do know that he has had this investigation going on for a year, he seems patient. So, I’m not so sure that this “I’m worried my client is guilty so let me try to speed things up” move by Guiliani will pay off.

I mean, there’s a lot of material to work through. You have a guy in Michael Cohen who worked very hard to either participate in bribery or give off the image of a man who participated in bribery. Those type of things don’t just wrap themselves up overnight…

 

Classic North Korea: Threatens to Cancel Meeting with Trump

If there is one sure-fire way to get Trump to cancel any sort of planned event he has with you…it is to threaten to cancel on him. Cancel on me?! I’ll cancel on you first! is what I assume he says to Sean Hannity tonight in their nightly gab session.

In a move no one is surprised about, except maybe the Nobel Peace Prize committee who has already etched Don’s name into the award, North Korea is threatening their peace summit with Donald Trump based on U.S.A. – South Korea joint military exercises.

“The United States will also have to undertake careful deliberations about the fate of the planned North Korea-U.S. summit in light of this provocative military ruckus jointly conducted with the South Korean authorities,” North Korea said.

Source: TheHill

This is one of those moments where everyone who sat around taking a wait and see approach on whether Trump accomplishes anything of substance on North Korea are very excited. Because, yes, past Presidents have gotten hostages released from North Korea, test sites demolished, and kind words of a lessened nuclear arsenal from North Korea. So, maybe folks were right not to declare Trump and Dennis Rodman the greatest diplomats ever.

This is also one of those moments where you wake up at 630a.m. and refresh the hell out of @realdonaldtrump hoping for him to lose his mind over this slight from the North Koreans.

“we didnt need peace in north korea anyway, ok” – Future Donald Trump.