What Would Happen If Donald Trump DID Shoot James Comey?

Donald Trump once said, “I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters.” Rudy Giuliani this weekend said, “If he shot James Comey, he’d be impeached the next day.” Sure seems like a metaphor those guys kick around all the time. But, it makes you think…what IF Donald Trump DID happen to shoot James Comey. We take you live…to CNN…

Don Lemon: Interesting day in Washington today. We are going to take you right now to a clip from the White House Press Briefing Room. Just a moment ago.

Jim Acosta: Why did President Trump shoot James Comey?

Sarah Huckabee Sanders: We can not at this time confirm that President Trump shot James Comey.

Acosta: There is a video that has already been played over and over that shows President Trump shooting James Comey.

Sanders: This is a tiring line of questions, Jim, and we are going to end the questions with that since you folks can not control yourselves. I will say this, however, President Trump is an honorable man. If he shot James Comey, then the question that you all refuse to ask, but should ask, is what did James Comey do to deserve getting shot? Will you ask that Jim?

Acosta: What did James Comey do to deserve to get shot?

Sanders: Who shot James Comey? This is the first I am hearing of it.

Cut back to Don Lemon in the Studio.

Don Lemon: So, certainly a night that may go down in American history, but, also, a night that we may forget about in a few days because of all the other crazy things that will certainly happen. We have our panel with us to speak about this matter. Let me introduce you guys.

CNNPanel

LemonSmall

Lemon: First, we have Rick Santorum. All around stand up guy who has never had crazy opinions that have made us say, “why the hell do people give him the time of day to talk about the issues”. Next, he is an American Singer-Songwriter, guitarist and activist: Ted Nugent. Then, from being a Judge, we have Judge Reinhold. Next, we have a pair of lawyers who have both represented Donald Trump: Rudy Giuliani and Michael Cohen.

PrisonMikeSmall

Michael Cohen: That’s Prison Mike, Officially.

LemonSmall

Excuse me?

RudySmall

Giuliani: Oh, geez, it’s a silly little bit the guy does. He puts on a bandana and colors in a couple prison tattoos and thinks he is a badass.

PrisonMikeSmall

AM a badass.

LemonSmall

Ok, Prison Mike, Welcome to the panel.

PrisonMikeSmall

yo ok happy to be here. I would like my fee to be paid in a timely manner, or I’ll be back around with the baseball bat, capiche?

Continue reading “What Would Happen If Donald Trump DID Shoot James Comey?”

Advertisements

The Very Best One Star Reviews of James Comey’s Book: A Higher Loyalty

James Comey has a book out, if you have not heard. I am actually a pretty big book guy, however, I am boycotting the Comey book. No, not because of any political stance or Pro-Trump position.

But, frankly, I am boycotting the book because it was not titled “James and the Giantest Peach (‘Believe Me I am More Giant Than That Other Peach, Believe Me’)” which would have been a great title. Add in a mock up of the cover from the Roald Dahl classic where Comey is looking up at a giant peach with Trump’s face on it, and you have a literary masterpiece that rivals any Faulkner tour de force.

Others, however, are not boycotting the book. And, because Amazon has restricted reviews of this Title onlymostly to verified purchases through Amazon (which they should do for every book) you are likely getting genuine reviews.

I mean, who is paying 15 bucks just to leave a one star review? So, I decided to take a look (it’s in a book…a reading raaaainbow) at the one star reviews to get a sense of how the people were handling the release. Comments in bold below are from Amazon users. Regular text mine.

Self serving, salacious, boring.

Salaciously boring. You don’t see that kind of review every day. Is this guy reviewing A Higher Loyalty or General Hospital?

Also, self-serving? It is literally a book written by James Comey about things that James Comey was doing. Who should it have served? Hey, I’m going to write this book about me, but, it would be really cool if it served the interests of Mahatma Ghandi.

I did not order A Higher Loyalty, but it arrived in the mail today

This guy went on to lay out a conspiracy in which Amazon/Comey were sending the book out to folks, charging them, and then refunding them upon the books return.

So, uh, since the believability of that seems dire…are Trump supporters buying this book, so that they can later accuse Comey of shady tactics to increase book sales? I mean, that’s new levels of crazy, right?

Continue reading “The Very Best One Star Reviews of James Comey’s Book: A Higher Loyalty”

Jim Comey Presents Animal Justice – The Tale of the Knife-Wielding Seal

With James Comey out of work with the FBI and into the writing game with his latest Amazon Banger: A Higher Loyalty, we decided to extend an invitation to Mr. Comey to come aboard this website and write Reports on cute Animals doing Criminal things. We thought it would be fun and a good use of his time. Spoiler: He hasn’t responded. So, “Jim Comey Presents: Animal Justice” is our imagining of how Comey would handle Animal Criminals. 

Today, I was presented with a dilemma. What happens when Man has set up an animal to do a thing that he otherwise would not have done, and yet, that thing that he has done is not a thing in which a Man should partake in having done?

23 “Am I a God at hand, declares the Lord, and not a God far away? 24 Can a man hide himself in secret places so that I cannot see him? declares the Lord. Do I not fill heaven and earth? declares the Lord. – Jeremiah 23-24.

Here, today, I present to you, the story of a seal that is committing obvious felonies. That is terrifying those whom he encounters. A seal that brandishes a knife and sticks it in your face. What does he want? Does he express remorse? We have maybe not yet uncovered that twist in the tale, for this Seal is not completed in his menace at the time of telling. Can he change? To know that answer, we must know the story complete.

Continue reading “Jim Comey Presents Animal Justice – The Tale of the Knife-Wielding Seal”