Introducing the G3.5

Over the weekend, President Trump attended and then left early from the G7 summit in Canada. He pouted over the lack of Russian inclusion and then took off to attend a Summit with his new pal who will not shake his hand as hard as French President Emmanuel Macron did.

The result of this Summit? Well, we have an advance copy of the White House memo at the conclusion of the Summit:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

From the Desk of the President of the United States,

Today, it is my great honor to announce that the result of Summit in Singapore has led to a new G. The G 3.5. I looked the G7 losers in the eye and asked them where Russia was. Believe me, they had no answers. So, I folded my arms, flew across the Globe and we got things done. You can not have Gs without Russia. 

Canada, let me say this, has a lot of sass for a Nation smaller than Rhode Island in “usable land”. People are telling me, Donald, you should annex Toronto. I’ve thought about it, certainly, I think about all the best ideas. And, I don’t know, what do you think? Should we bring Toronto into America? Believe me, People are saying we should do it. And, Trudeau, he is so weak, he doesn’t belong in the Gs. I said to him, Justin, I will take Toronto, ok? And, he just kind of chuckled. What a weak, weak, man. He gave me Toronto! He said, take it! I told him I don’t want it. Ok.

Now…

The New G3.5 aka “The Best G” consists of only powerhouse Nations. The United States, Russia…excuse me, Mother Russia as they like to be referred, North Korea and also South Korea. South Korea is the half. They said, “no no this is a bad idea,” and I said, believe me, it’s the best idea, ok? And, they said no. So, then Vladimir stared at them and they still said no.

Sometimes you just have to grab them and pull them close and say, you’re with me. So, we did that. South Korea is the half. Maybe we’ll let them get full membership when they stop whining about being taken hostage to this deal. But, I don’t know, I like the ring of 3.5 G’s. 

The G 3.5 represents 63% of Global Net Wealth and 47% of Gross Domestic Product. Believe me, that is a lot of GDP. Further, The G 3.5 has already produced jobs. Jobs for AMERICA. OK. Not jobs for Canada. American jobs. Thousands of them. Already. Millions of Dollars right into the coffers of America. Overnight. Something the G7 has never done. The G 3.5 is about trade that benefits America. This is a fantastic deal. Is it the BEST deal? Of course. I asked Lou Dobbs.

Thank Me,

 

Donald J. Trump

President (WOW)

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Kim Jong-Un Is Bold. And, I like It.

Currently, the White House is working at salvaging a Summit between Trump and North Korea that Trump originally cancelled because he wanted to pout. The Summit may or may not be back on, but, this is a genuine headline from NBC News:

CIA report says North Korea won’t denuclearize, but might open a burger joint

Source: NBC News

So, basically, this Summit will just be Trump sitting with Kim…Trump will open by asking for denuclearization, and Kim will say, “No, I want a McDonald’s” and Trump will sit there like “believe me, that would be great. But, how about a Wahlburgers?” And, Kim would say no. And, Trump would agree to the McDonald’s instead of denuclearization. The Art of the Deal, folks.

Then, a week later, everyone would be like, “hey, what kind of deal is this?”

And, Trump would rage out on Twitter about how everyone thinks he is an awful deal-maker. But, really he made the ***BEST*** deal because he also got North Korea to take a Wendy’s. And, Kim would go along with it, because, secretly, he wanted a Wendy’s all along, BUT, Trump’s entire dealmaking playbook is “reject their first deal even if it’s the best deal, believe me.”

CAN YOU HANDLE ALL OF THIS WINNING?!