President Trump Needs More Friends

President Trump launched a barrage of Tweets starting Saturday Afternoon*. The goal: to pout about “spying” on him and to get an investigation to investigate the investigation…and he was somehow successful! This will ultimately lead to Trump talking about how this new investigation is corrupt and he needs an investigation to investigate the investigation that is investigating the investigation.

And, he’ll get it.

Because, no one tells this guy no for some ridiculous reason. Sure, if you tell him no he’s gonna mock you mercilessly and give you an embarrassing nickname, threaten to fire you even if he doesn’t have that power, and then maybe suggest the Russians should hack you, but, then shout NO COLLUSION when the Russians¬†do hack you. Ok, I can see why folks don’t want to put up with that.

*Immediately after Trump was returned his phone from a time-out where he was not allowed to Tweet during the Royal Wedding. Trump was saddened that he did not get to note that none of the hats worn at the Wedding were nearly as stylish as ol’ Red MAGA.

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I Hate To Be The One to Ask, But, How Much Time Does Trump Need to Make a Pee Tape?

This is a headline on “Trump Told Comey He Wasn’t in Moscow Long Enough to Make a Pee Tape. He Lied.”

It begs the question: why didn’t Trump tell Comey “I didn’t make a Pee Tape in Moscow”?

From this nymag article, a couple revelations that came from our namesake, Comey:

  1. Trump denied the Pee Tape in large part because he did not stay overnight at the Hotel while in Moscow this particular time.
  2. Trump was worried and bothered about the possibility of his wife thinking there was even a “one percent” chance the Tape was true.

Last point first – everyone, including Melania believes there is a greater than one percent chance that this whole Pee Tape thing is true, right? I mean, I put myself around 23.6% which nestles me firmly into “Pee Tape Skeptic” territory. But, regardless, there’s not a chance that Melania is sitting at one percent on this one. She was probably fifty-fifty before the Dossier story even leaked.

Now, back to this first point…the article says that obtained flight information by Bloomberg have Trump staying overnight that led nymag to this conclusion: “Trump absolutely had enough time for a golden showers performance if he had wanted to have one.” Their analysis, not mine.

But, does any of this even matter? I mean, flight to catch or not, is Trump seriously basing his denial on whether he came back to the Hotel at night before catching a flight the next day? Look, I’m certainly not trying to kink-shame here, but, if the man is making a Pee Tape with Russian hookers, I don’t think it’s going out on a limb to say that there’s a likely willingness to partake at any hour of the day. Once you’re telling a Russian Hooker, “pee on this bed” are you really only up for that activity at night?

But, on the bright side, at least journalists were able to track down a statement by Trump and verify it to be a lie. Sheesh, I wonder if that happens often?